it's one of those nights

hella frustrated. so mind you, this blog is just gonna turn into a space where i can vent, write, process, cry, love, all that great stuff as i go through this journey of life and thesis.

so recently, i've been working within different spaces of the community. i realize now the importance of being able to work with various communities even in our filam community. the experiences are so diverse and important to work with to address the specific needs and issues.

but on the real tip, it just gets frustrating especially when working in a hierarchical structure. it's so apparent how disconnected folks are from the top to the bottom. these false assumptions and multiple directives get so confusing that the people that end up suffering are the ones in the middle and on the outskirts - communities we serve. it's just so depressing and frustrating seeing potential slip away. our community is so clouded with tsimis, pride, colonial mentality, and ego that we just keep nipping at each other. we're so blinded by the anger and greed we don't even see how people are hurting from our actions. at the same time, we don't even see how we feed into the problem. by not educating our communities about conquer & divide tactics, about ways to resolves issues as a community, we only perpetuate the colonizer's plan.

at this point, i do honestly wonder about the sake of our future. i have no doubt that we will continue to struggle through this as life is a struggle in itself. yet, we still need to be able to grow. we cannot continue to take 10 steps back from the years it took to get this far.

we must also remember that true revolution starts from within and the ability to recognize our connections. we ALWAYS must be mindful of the conditions in which people are living, dying, loving, and hurting. we can never expect folks to eat at the table when we haven't even invited them or helped them get there.

peace out of frustration.