Sister LIBERATION

Sister LIBERATION

I attempt to write the words that will promise you a liberation
That will teach you the ways of freedom
Only if you promise to listen
Because it is then that we will see the extent to which we can free a nation
Of guilt, deceit, lies and dishonesty, shackled to you and me
It is then we will see the lights at the ends of these tunnels
Of underground railroads leading to where we began
It is then we will inhale the life we were meant to exhale only to see the senses of a reality censored by reality series, making us believe that this is what we are meant to be
Come towards the box and change the channel
Cuz im about to tell you something that I can’t even handle

I saw her walking the streets and I knew it then
She had carried a necklace of sweet scents merely for ten
Pesos instead I wanted to give her besos and let her know that I saw it too
I saw the words come from her lips as she called me ate
I look into her brown eyes that said she knew me, that we hadn’t forgotten
About the times we shared staring at the bright sun wishing for the world to blanket us with yellow shine
About the times we shared holding onto each other souls when he said “they’re not mine” as he threw us into the streets,
it was only a matter of time
Til we saw each other again
in this Manila night of a family reunion
Though my mom didn’t embrace her i knew it then she was my sister at nearly ten

I attempt to write these words that will promise you a liberation
That will teach you the ways of freedom
Only if you promise to listen

I walked through the streets of palengke isles
Saw her fingers weave the roads where we crossed paths as a child
Though Seas a part, our souls intertwined
as she catches the rod to realign truth and weave memories
Fines lines defined her traced lips Her hair a tint of gray shine,
Falls into the loom telling stories of our lives continuously redefined
As corporations commodify our ancestry and sell her tapestries to walmart industries
Glimpses of her life unfold like the blanket she’s wrapping around me, saying 1050
I sip the nestle water I bought, I realize she’s a product in this industry
Though I didn’t see, this my sister calling out to me.

I attempt to write the words that will promise you a liberation
That will teach you the ways of freedom
Only if you promise to listen

I heard her words drops like the tears from her eyes
When she told me that she didn’t want to this type of life
Her anger, frustration bottled for later in case she needed to fight
Against the man who beat her
His fists raised to the sky, strikes to deny her existence
She no longer has the strength to show him resistance
Instead she gave in to his arms and accepts these pages of her story
While he continue to reign in his false glory attempting to keep her soul refrained, contained, and unnamed
I see her eyes through the cages of his grips, she calls out to me and tells me
That this is you and you are me.
This is you and you are me.

I attempt to write the words that will promise you a liberation
That will teach you the ways of freedom
Only if you promise to listen

I walked with us as we stormed the streets of rotten milk and honey
Screaming and demanding liberty
From a nation that makes profit from our souls as industry
To ship to other countries and reinvent their identity
Packaged in little boxes scented with its brand US colonizing ideology
Hiding the 3rd world hands that left finger prints to create this hot new commodity
And we consume it as if it’s something new and fashionable like the new pair of kicks I wear in this street
But I’m still screaming and demanding our liberty
Because I remember I am my sister liberation.

I wrote these write the words that will promise you a liberation
That will teach you the ways of freedom
Only if you promise to listened
Not until you hold mirror of truth to your face do you realize that
the path needed to embrace on the road to sister liberation

modern day gabriela silang

messing around with all these new blogging widgets, must admit that i'm hesitant to put particular songs on the list because of its affiliation.  then again, fuck it right? music is music and how many songs are there that really address the militancy, empowered pinay sistas?  

two nights ago, i stood on stage. after having negotiated multiple contradictions, i hope that the message i delivered hit at least one heart and one soul.  

mental stimulation if you please. . . 

plus. . .



plus. . . the finale for the night. . . a booty shake contest

is the solution to. . .




and this. . .



(exhale)

why keep adding to the problem?

(singing) 

dahil sa yo nais kung mabuhay

dahil sa yo hangang mamatay

dapat mo tantuin wala ng ibang giliw

puso ko'y tantungin, ikaw at ikaw rin

were the words she used to sing to me as she gently combed back my hair 

and whispered in my ear, 'anak, dahil sa yo, it is because you. . . '

that i soared through the air like a bird searching for malakas at maganda

to dig my feet into the soil of milk and honey to plant new roots

cultivating new life with branches reaching overseas like overpacked balikbayan boxes

leaving behind the scent of sweat from kasingkil dancers, mixed with burning garbage and exhaust from traffic jams of bodies and jeepneys

these memories i stir in with every drop of adobo cooked over the stove and beneath my eyes

hoping that each bite will let you see through my eyes and taste a never-ending love that ocans can never separate from hearts of a community from one

and she continued. . . 

(singing) 

dahil sa yo ako'y lumigaya

pagmamahal ay alayan ka

kung tunay man ako

ay alipinin mo

ang lahat sa buhay ko

dahil sa yo

i laid there with my buried in her lap dreaming of running in the fields of mangoes and Dole's pineapples chasing after cousins like uncles chasing after pigs to celebrate our arrival

drifting away on notes like stars following rainbows and cotton kandi clouds to skies of bathala na

words that came from their lips in 1986 and 2001 when they decided it was because of yoyu that they would walk through the congestion of streets and malacanang's tower of lies and deceit

demanding justice MAKIBAKA, equality HUWAG, and liberty MATAKOT from strings that keep their lives attached to puppetry of red, white, and blue

all the meanwhile our thoughts were simply because of you

they carved a world like mandirigmas made of acacia wood teaching us the ways of the struggle, a roadmap to our hearts, with our bolos in hand just in case they strike

they wore tsinelas to shield away the striking blows from police as they stood united to let nuns place flowers in tanks as signs of never ending people power

as some where shipped away, visas stamped, and life placed in boxes to become political exiles

struggling to maintain memories and share stories to let you know that it is because of you that things can change

dahil sa yo nais kong mabuhay

dahil sa yo hangang mamatay

are the reasons why our lives though across oceans never divide the hearts' desire to give back to our mothers' and fathers' land

that we are always listening to the songs of our country knowing that they are really love songs dedicated to the Philippines

but sometimes we gotta move forward, can't sit around singing lyrics waiting on the world to change

or wearing stickers that say we simply voted for change

but we gotta do the thing necessary to make the change to let the world know that it because of you

that WE WANNA GO BEYOND shirting poverty like building houses with hollow foundations that shatter, t shirts that wear out and tatter, or serving our sistas on a platter, cuz we ALL still gotta get down with the heart of the matter

it's only a matter of time til we see the numbers rise of our people's lives dying for change even though they bear stamps as Philippines' number one export

sending remittances to sustain a government that waits to exploit more young bodies sending them to over 90 international countries

no protection from a government not even birth control

and somehow we're convinced that change will take shape as one man

forgetting about the SISTAS who shaped Makiling's mountains to bring us to a higher stage

where we need messages of love wrapped around colt 45s of knowledge and change

to put folks in positions of power and corruption in shackles of shame

so i sing these words to you as i gently comb back your hair reminding  you that it is because of you that we know what it means to be in love with the struggle

(singing)

dahil sa yo.

ideas.

they keep coming and i'm trying to find ways to fuse them together within an academic space. I realize that in the struggle for academic recognition i gave up part of myself to assimilate into an ivory tower of perpetual excellence.  we tend to sacrifice ourselves in so many ways just to reach for upward mobility, but what about when we decide to just stop?  is that not a form of liberation?  

so i'm sitting here re-thinking about the thesis.  

recently, i met a pinay at sdsu who is also writing about filipina transnational activism.  gah, i remember the beginning stages of my thesis and where it has lead me now.  i'm afraid that it's lost that transnational activism/feminist spin and is now focused on identity.  

i have been intentional in trying to steer away from identity development because that seems to be the regurgitated message of most pin@y scholars.  i get it, we have identity issues.  we're confused and torn between american and filipin@.  isn't it time though that we accept this as a newly constructed identity and stop reverting back to this essential idea of pre-colonial, indigenous identity? we run the risk of idolizing and imagining a society that has now transformed and continually transforms itself.  i understand the need to go back to one's roots, but we also run the risk of imagining and keeping the Philippines and Filipin@s in a place that lacks recognition of our progression.  of course the progression comes with contradiction. 

. . . 

it's hard to concentrate right now cuz i'm HELLA nervous about tomorrow's show. it didn't sink in until today as far as what kind of line-up i'm a part of.  never really expected to be in this position, poetry was just a hobby, performing was just for fun.  

now this shit is just scary. 

questions

how do 2nd generation pinays claim or reclaim power that was denied to them culturally through gender? 

are student organizations a way for pinays to re-invent and/or assert their gender identity that was hidden "beneath the maria claras"? 

how do 2nd generation pinays negotiate their intersectional identities within college, community, and family? 

what are pinays' views of the maria clara? 

what is the 2nd generation college student/activist pinay experience?

how does gender affect the pin@y community? 

is sexuality a way for pinays to reclaim power that was denied to them through gender? 

      but isn't this a contradictory to the cultural control over their bodies and virginity? 

      are we either promiscuous, "sexually constipated," or lgbtq? 

within the student organizations, are 2nd gen pinays cognizant of their gendered role? 

do they organize through a gendered lens? 

is gender addressed within the student organization? 

how often do they think about their gender in college, family, and community spaces? 

how does the gendering of  2nd gen pinoys affect the gendering of 2nd gen pinays? 

assuming that the pinay is active within the filam community, what contributes to her perseverance and determination in the community?  

do 2nd gen pinays challenge patriarchy and imperialism within the re-construction of their identity? 

is college the political womb? 

day something in organizer's rehab

it's day something of my organizer's rehab and i admit that i'm rebounding.