Wednesday, December 10, 2008

(singing) 
dahil sa yo nais kung mabuhay
dahil sa yo hangang mamatay
dapat mo tantuin wala ng ibang giliw
puso ko'y tantungin, ikaw at ikaw rin

were the words she used to sing to me as she gently combed back my hair 
and whispered in my ear, 'anak, dahil sa yo, it is because you. . . '
that i soared through the air like a bird searching for malakas at maganda
to dig my feet into the soil of milk and honey to plant new roots
cultivating new life with branches reaching overseas like overpacked balikbayan boxes
leaving behind the scent of sweat from kasingkil dancers, mixed with burning garbage and exhaust from traffic jams of bodies and jeepneys
these memories i stir in with every drop of adobo cooked over the stove and beneath my eyes
hoping that each bite will let you see through my eyes and taste a never-ending love that ocans can never separate from hearts of a community from one

and she continued. . . 

(singing) 

dahil sa yo ako'y lumigaya
pagmamahal ay alayan ka
kung tunay man ako
ay alipinin mo
ang lahat sa buhay ko
dahil sa yo

i laid there with my buried in her lap dreaming of running in the fields of mangoes and Dole's pineapples chasing after cousins like uncles chasing after pigs to celebrate our arrival
drifting away on notes like stars following rainbows and cotton kandi clouds to skies of bathala na
words that came from their lips in 1986 and 2001 when they decided it was because of yoyu that they would walk through the congestion of streets and malacanang's tower of lies and deceit
demanding justice MAKIBAKA, equality HUWAG, and liberty MATAKOT from strings that keep their lives attached to puppetry of red, white, and blue
all the meanwhile our thoughts were simply because of you
they carved a world like mandirigmas made of acacia wood teaching us the ways of the struggle, a roadmap to our hearts, with our bolos in hand just in case they strike
they wore tsinelas to shield away the striking blows from police as they stood united to let nuns place flowers in tanks as signs of never ending people power
as some where shipped away, visas stamped, and life placed in boxes to become political exiles
struggling to maintain memories and share stories to let you know that it is because of you that things can change

dahil sa yo nais kong mabuhay
dahil sa yo hangang mamatay

are the reasons why our lives though across oceans never divide the hearts' desire to give back to our mothers' and fathers' land
that we are always listening to the songs of our country knowing that they are really love songs dedicated to the Philippines
but sometimes we gotta move forward, can't sit around singing lyrics waiting on the world to change
or wearing stickers that say we simply voted for change
but we gotta do the thing necessary to make the change to let the world know that it because of you
that WE WANNA GO BEYOND shirting poverty like building houses with hollow foundations that shatter, t shirts that wear out and tatter, or serving our sistas on a platter, cuz we ALL still gotta get down with the heart of the matter
it's only a matter of time til we see the numbers rise of our people's lives dying for change even though they bear stamps as Philippines' number one export
sending remittances to sustain a government that waits to exploit more young bodies sending them to over 90 international countries
no protection from a government not even birth control
and somehow we're convinced that change will take shape as one man
forgetting about the SISTAS who shaped Makiling's mountains to bring us to a higher stage
where we need messages of love wrapped around colt 45s of knowledge and change
to put folks in positions of power and corruption in shackles of shame

so i sing these words to you as i gently comb back your hair reminding  you that it is because of you that we know what it means to be in love with the struggle

(singing)
dahil sa yo.

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What's the Master's Thesis?

Beneath Our Maria Claras reveal the lives of Filipinas as they attempt to undress layers of pre-colonial identities sewn by patterns of colonialism, imperialism, and patriarchy. For years, I have struggled to remove this garment and try to do what some colonized peoples have done, de-colonize myself and understand the social and historical conditions impacting my live. This blog/research follow my lines of thoughts and understanding while trying to understand: How do second generation Filipina American college students reclaim power that was denied to them culturally through gender?