Thursday, October 30, 2008

hard times

i have a hard time facing my mom, especially when asks about the progress on my thesis or tells me to tell my organizations to pay me.  i feel a sense of shame that i can't seem to write this damn thesis.  i feel the pressure to finish the "damn" thing and just find a job already.  i am ashamed that i don't have a job, but frustrated that my parents don't understand how much of a struggle it is to write this piece of research.  seeing my mom just brings up feelings of frustration and anxiety, maybe because i feel like i can't deliver.  i can't give my parents what they want right now despite the amounts of pressure that they place on me, although they deny it.  


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What's the Master's Thesis?

Beneath Our Maria Claras reveal the lives of Filipinas as they attempt to undress layers of pre-colonial identities sewn by patterns of colonialism, imperialism, and patriarchy. For years, I have struggled to remove this garment and try to do what some colonized peoples have done, de-colonize myself and understand the social and historical conditions impacting my live. This blog/research follow my lines of thoughts and understanding while trying to understand: How do second generation Filipina American college students reclaim power that was denied to them culturally through gender?