love the way the universe works. . .

i entered grad school the semester after undergrad graduation in '06. during the year, i met a former up ateneo professor at a conference where i co-facilitated a workshop about the filipin@ american experience in higher education. he encouraged me to consider teaching at the university in the phils and to coordinate a study-abroad program. ecstatic about this opportunity, i scolded my parents to consider helping me finance this opportunity. of course, to my dismay they questioned my desire to go to the phils, referring to it as "baliktad," and worried about my economic stability, "would you be making pesos or dollars?"

discouraged, i opted against pushing against my parents since i'm still economically dependent on them. with only a couple of months left and having missed the application deadlines for other programs, i submitted an application to CSU San Marcos' Master of Arts in Sociological Practice program. I signed up for another educational sentence at CSUSM. Again, it wasn't my first choice, but I felt like I had no other choice.

3 years have gone by. I've struggled through this process. I rushed my way through the core classes, juggling assignments and teaching while enrolled in 4 courses, proceeded by another semester with 3. This was my pattern for the first year and a half. Then I stopped. I questioned why I was rushing through graduate school. Was I even enjoying it and was this even for me? Was I doing this to prove my legitimacy to my parents? How do i reconcile my relationships as a community organizer and academic, a student organizer, and former under grad to grad at the same campus, etc? How do i even write something that is meaningful to the community and not compromise myself purely for the institution? I struggled.

I entered the program with a definite project in mind - understanding the transnational FIlipina/Filipina American feminist national democratic movement. I ended up being persuaded into writing about the Asian American Studies movement on campus; my proposal wasn't accepted. I was then redirected back to my original topic focusing specifically on 2nd gen Filipina American college student activists. I wrote a new proposal in less than a week after the first submission of the previous proposal. I defended my proposal and passed with revisions. My committee asked that the revisions be completed within a week. That was the point where i just stopped. I was tired of rushing through the program and even trying to write revisions in a week after I had just written my proposal the week before. I stopped. i decided to immerse myself back into the community in hopes of having a better understanding of it and how it connects to my research. This was Spring 2008.

Now, I received an email from my new chair and i'm being advanced to candidacy! I can finally begin conducting my research/data collection!!!!