checking in

it's more than a minute since i've taken the time to write something here.

just a quick recap of what's happened within the past month:

philippines - family, lola's blessing, father's eyes
new york - nightingales,best friend's wedding, independence
womyn of color: writings on the wall -
immortal technique, chino xl, red cloud, cf, kahlee - inspired
oli bata - sax on loan
preparing for aptos

i guess those couple of years of stagnancy finally caught up to me and i've been international, national, and state within one month. blessings. many blessings.

philippines: to organize a woman, you must organize her family.

i learned and accepted the many lessons and realities of my family. sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the struggle within our community that we forget how it impacts our most basic unit: family. in a sense, college is a time when we learn a sense of "independence" or at least strive for one cuz we know a lot of us are still living at home - had no choice or still dependent on our fams. we begin to extend our notion of family to include our close kasamas and community. when that time is over - may it be break or graduation - we have to find ways to reconnect with our families again. i was so blinded by all this organizing that i didn't even see how my family is going through the same issues we are fighting for.

you know what i mean? cuz there's this disconnect that happens when we are scolded and discouraged by our parents for doing "communist," "activist," "leftist" work, when really we're doing it just to get by. in many ways, my reason for becoming active and working towards social justice was a reaction to my immediate family. it was a reaction to everything that i had seen, felt, heard, said, learned, and believed. . . as well as accepted. since i felt like i couldn't control or solve the issues within my family, i wanted to solve the world. i wanted to fix the situations around us that created these realities. i also needed to find my voice and breathe.

so the philippines was pure and exciting. never in my life had i felt so many blessings and so much love like that. i am left with the image of my lola slowly extending her hand to touch my head. her lips quivering, tears being kept in, as she chants blessings for my soul. my mom and her older sister join my lola as i sit on the porch on a wooden dark brown chair hearing the silence of the night - all except for my lola's words which touch my soul.

amazing.