one of the many beginnings. . . .

from an old blog. . . still holds truth

sunday, november 05, 2006

Emotion:
Random Thought: entries that i miss.
What:

Monday, November 07, 2005

Emotion:
Random Thought: to continue my thoughts.
What:silence.all except for the typing i am doing.

question to ponder at this moment: none at this moment unfortunately.

i suppose the purpose of this entry is to continue describing my experience at the GABNET conference. As closure, all participants at the conference marched from UCLA to the federal building, protesting the VFA forces in the Philippines, the war, GMA needing to be ousted, and the rape of the Filipina. As we marched down the streets empowered with our posters and voices, chills ran down my spine. my voice grew louder and louder with every block we passed. onlookers stood there confused as to what our purpose was. i'm sure they were asking what VFA was or perhaps they were just thinking that it was a stupid cause for a traffic. When we arrived at the federal building we were suprised to see another protest in progress. Israeli and Mexican communities had collectively protested against the Iraq war and the many injustices that are occuring. Another site of empowerment. at the same time however i wished that our efforts were as collective as theirs, better yet as big, but at the same time conjoint with theirs. i wish our problems had transcended from our voices and into their hearts and out of their mouths. i wished that they understood at least were aware of the issues that we, Filipinas faced and still face. Viva viva Palestina, viva viva Pilipinas! we screamed. but it didn't seem like it was enough to convey to them that we stood there in solidarity. i wanted to cross the street to join in protest with them. we both agreed that the war is an unjust war, an atrocity and a waste of our money and efforts. i symphatized with them and emphathized their efforts. but i couldn't show them that.
all i could do was honk my horn as we passed the street again. . on the way home to the reality of san diego.

i have met some very strong women through this conference. unaware of their life stories, but all i knew was that we were sisters, brothers, and allies standing in solidarity to fight the cause, fight the good fight of ensuring justice and equality and recognition of all women especially Pilipinas. I loved that GabNet masked our true identities. we were able to come together and share our stories without exposing our masks. i was able to have a conversation evelina galang, the author of my favorite book, "Her wild american self" as if we were just sisters. there were no roads to block us from sharing a humane connection. no titles in the way of conversations. it was great. we came as concerned women seeking justice. we left as concerned women seeking justice in our daily lives for the lives of other women, children, communities. we, or i, left empowered but dawned upon with the reality of life.

posted by trish @ 12:31 PM

Emotion:defeated.
Random Thought:makibaka! huwag matakot!
What:the rumbling of the computer.

i needed a safe place to go so i'm sitting here in alexis' office letting my thoughts run free. what am i currently thinking about? what have i been thinking about? going to gabnet this weekend has reminded me of the many injustices that are occuring every minute of our lives and how easily it is for us to tune out this white noise with music, television, friends, homework. how easy it is for us with privilege to close the door on a crying nation, how easy it is for us to avoid the topic when it comes into conversation. well damnit, i want to talk to about it.

i've come to the conclusion that i am moved by my emotions. i am drawn to injustices and pushed forward to make sure justice is served by my personal attachment. i want to see a world of equality, equal pursuit of happiness and liberty. reality is however that that type of world doesn't exist. . . yet.

i'm on my way to school thinking about all the lessons that have been taught and retaught to me at this conference. i am reminded of how (lost this thought, my mom called me asking what scent of deoderant i preferred. . . i chose sunset breeze by lady speedstick) so let's retract, i'm on my way to school thinking about life, thinking about the children who are forced to become soldiers motivated by fear and witnesses to murders. i am reminded of the 22 year old filipina who was raped by 6 u.s. marines at subic bay thrown like a pig after they have their take of her. i am reminded of the many homeless shelters that are products of capitalism and forgotten communities. i sit there and remember. i listen to kiwi in hopes of inspiration. my body tingles at the sound of something like "bring the system down, bring it down now. . mabu mabu mabuuuu. . hay hay hay" i get chills when kiwi tells us that people are marching for justice. i sit there and am reminded.

i think how angry i am with people who can just sit there and not be motivated by the injustices that are occurring within the very world that they live on. one world, one people. what ever happened to those thoughts? to those words that we were taught to live by. when did we become a selfish planet? i think about the conversation i had with my mom this morning. the first true conversation that gave her a glimpse into my soul. into my thoughts and perspectives about the history and presence of her country, the philippines that one i now call home. i hear her tell me that the U.S. military should stay in the Philippines. It won't survive without them. I tell her it's a sick and twisted dependency and form of exploitation where women such as the 22 year old Filipina from Subic Bay are subject to rapes and forced into slavery. i tell her about the "little brown fucking machines" and the mail order brides how they are products of militarization and imperialism by the United States. and she understands me. but again i sat in my car thinking. . is this just displaced anger? do we filipino-americans feel so angry at the united states that we protest their imperialistic wizardy over the philippines? have we just targeted the united states as the main culprit of the semi-feudal semi-colonial philippines? i don't know. but now when i think of it and the words shared by women of the philippines congresswoman Liza, secretary general of GabNet who tell us otherwise, validating our angst towards the visiting forces agreement that allow such atrocities to occur in a third world nation once an economic power, i feel angry for the right reasons.

and for you to sit there who are reading this to not feel motivated by these numerous accounts of exploitation and injustice towards our very own people upsets me. but i understand. . . a different world, a different place. not everyone is on the same page. i just wish it was. . or we that we could turn the page together.

posted by trish @ 9:35 PM